I have no words to offer today that have not already been written. The plain truth is that you are missed and loved more deeply than I could ever articulate. The heart of our family stopped beating with yours. Yet, our hearts do continue to beat. This is the mystery and the root of our discontent. How do we live without you?
Time does not heal death any more than it can heal cancer. There is no healing in this life. There is, however, the daily decision to put our feet on firm ground and hoist this heavy cross upon our backs— to climb the steep and rocky terrain. There is the decision to fan the sometimes nearly imperceptible flame of hope that burns deep within our souls.
In doing so, we cry out to the Father in pain. Like Job, we curse the day of our birth because our sorrow is relentless. Like Thomas, we long to plunge our hands into Jesus’ wounds so that our senses may perceive what our faith deems true. And like Jacob, we spend long nights wrestling with God, begging Him to reveal Himself and refusing to let go until He blesses us with understanding.
But we won’t let go. Through tears, we will keep wrestling, longing, and climbing—even through the darkness of night. Because we believe that although time cannot heal death, death does. Jesus made it possible for death to give way to life. And it is this hope that quickens our hearts.
Pray for us, my beautiful girl. Pray that we may persevere until the end. Pray that the pulse of life may course through our veins again. And pray that we may, in some small way, catch a glimpse of Heaven, where you wait with our beloved Lord and all the saints.
A poem by Saint Thérèse of Lisieux
“I am still on the other shore,
But sensing eternal happiness,
Oh! I would already like to leave this earth
And gaze on the wonders of Heaven…
When I dream of the joys of the other life,
I no longer feel the weight of my exile,
Since soon toward my only Homeland
I’ll fly for the first time……
Ah! Jesus, give me white wings
That I may take flight to you.
I want to fly to the eternal Shores.
I want to see you, O my Divine Treasure!
I want to fly into the arms of Mary
To rest on that choice throne
And receive from my dear Mother
A sweet Kiss for the first time!….
My Beloved, let me soon catch a glimpse
Of the sweetness of your first smile,
And let me, in my divine delirium,
Ah! let me hide in your Heart!…
Oh! what a moment! what ineffable happiness
When I’ll hear the sweet sound of your voice,
When I’ll see the divine brilliance
Of your Adorable Face for the first time!…
You know well, Sacred Heart of Jesus,
My only martyrdom is your love.
If my soul sighs for your beautiful Heaven,
It’s to love you, to love you more and more!…
In Heaven, always intoxicated with tenderness,
I’ll love you without limit and without law,
And my happiness will unceasingly seem
As new as the first time!!!…”
7 thoughts on “Longing for Heaven”
Beautiful and heartwrenching at the same time Jen. As always you and your family are in my prayers. With love and understanding
Sending love and a prayer to you, Jen, on this day and adding you back into my prayer journal. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Been thinking about you as this day approaches. I resonate with your words, and my heart cries and longs and hopes with yours.
Your thoughts and words give me courage and hope. I know of your loss through a mutual friend. I have lost a daughter and a husband in the past few years and you put into words what is in my heart but cannot express. I did not know her but I pray also for Evie’s intercession and like to think she has met my Anita and Patrick. Thank you.
Beautifully written with such truth. In the chaos of the day, the hour, the minute-be still and know you are not alone.
You write with such unspeakable Motherly love. Do not worry. You have a little saint who feels your loss and sorrow. She is praying and waiting with sweet joy.
I love you my friend. Pray for all of you often and remember our beautiful times together with your beautiful girl! Miss you like crazy!